40-year-old refuses to wear same bridesmaid's dress as rest of the group, jeopardizes friendship with the bride: 'I look much older than all of them'

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    Bridesmaid
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    AITA for telling the bride I don't want to wear the bridesmaid dress chosen for me?
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    I (40F) was invited to be a bridesmaid for my good friend who I'll call Beth (32F). We've been friends for almost 8 years after we met at a support group.
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    I happily agreed to be Beth's bridesmaid & assumed I'd be one of many. However Beth told me her friend just had a baby and her other friend will be having gallbladder surgery at that time. So it will only be me, her 3 younger sisters, & her SIL.
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    I was okay with this at first until I actually saw them. They look very, very young. They're all between 19-28 & they're extremely slim. I look much older than all of them. That made me feel pretty uncomfortable.
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    On top of that she allowed her sisters to choose the dress because I was not able to go with them to the appt as it was too early for me.
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    The girls chose this silky satin dress that looks very very tight on their bodies. Which on them looks fantastic as they are young with younger bodies but on me, it will look terrible. I just know it will.
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    I was very nice and told my friend that I'd like to choose a dress that would be more flattering to my body type as I'm older and bigger than her sisters. It'll be the same color and fabric, just something I want.
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    My friend was annoyed and said her sisters chose the dress themselves and already purchased it. It's done.
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    We went back and forth for several hours, I was trying to make her understand my point. I will be the oldest one there, everyone's going to be looking at me and comparing me to her younger, slimmer sisters, I don't want that kind of attention.
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    My friend was irritated and said that her fiance is also in his 40s and his 5 groomsmen are between 40-50 years of age.
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    On top of that, her SIL is actually 47 she just looks good for her age. That made me feel even worse! She goes, "everyone is different ages and sizes & I need to "let it go."
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    I thought we were making some headway & she was gonna let me choose a different dress until she left a nasty voicemail early this morning.
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    She told me to get the dress or I can't be part of it anymore. I'm adding too much stress to her wedding over "stupid insecurities" and that her family isn't there to see me or to see what I'm wearing or how I fit into a dress. They are there for her and her husband. So either I show up as a bridesmaid in the dress or I show up as a guest. And if I don't get with the program, she'll have her family member take my place.
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    I feel she could've said it nicer than she did, she was very nasty towards me. I also feel she's not being sensitive. I decided to remove myself as a bridesmaid since she won't be flexible but my husband said I was very AITA?
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    Ill-Pride-2312 12 hr. ago YTA for your mindset. I'll probably get downvoted to , but you're the one making this all about weight and yourself, or in your words "young vs old body type." 40s isn't
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    old, they're skinny, your fat, probably. Also discrediting your SIL's unseen work as "just looks good" is dismissive at best. Don't go to the wedding, stop giving the bride stress.
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    LavenderHazeHippo. 13 hr. ago YTA It's the brides wedding she's doesn't want to have anymore stress on her plate and she even gave you the option to go to dress appointment and you said. because the appointment was too early. How early was the appointment? Even if you did go to the
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    appointment you, the bride, and her other brides made could of agreed on the style of dress you guys liked oooor you could of even found a style that you liked and other brides maids could of worn the silk dress. (The bride
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    could of change her mind about the dress you want because you guys were already at the dress shop.) Did you ask the SIL how she felt in the dress? Maybe she has the same opinion as you but she's not being vocal about it.
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    If was what your friend said on the voicemail but if you don't really want to wear the dress than don't be her bridesmaid. Again you're put stress on the bride and she already has too many things on her mind
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    forgeris 12 hr. ago You have two options - either wear the dress and shut up or tell your friend that you can't be her bridesmaid. Your chosen option of arguing after she said no to your dress change is not your call, so for pointlessly arguing and not being able just to say to her that you either wear what you want or you can not be bridesmaid YTA.
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    C1rs 12 hr. ago Soft yta "everyone's going to be looking at me". They really won't be. People will be focusing on the bride. and groom first and second on themselves. Bite the bullet for your friend
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    Seikashika 12 hr. ago • YTA you didn't even try the dress on.
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    ambrford11 13 hr. ago. • YTA... her wedding, she paid for the dress, just wear it and don't worry about what anyone thinks (all eyes will be on the bride anyway, no one's concerned with you) or drop out but expect a he friendship to be on the rocks.

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